It was early morning.
The birds were flying from one place to another, maybe in search of food, or hibernation. I don’t know much about that, but it looked cool. The more synchronously they flew, the more speed they seemed to gain. And then, occasionally, I would catch sight of just one bird.. alone.. gliding with slow, heavy wing beats. It always looked like that bird might never reach its destination.
Maybe I was projecting.
If I don’t start making up for the things I have left unsaid, the messages I have left unread, the questions that I have avoided... maybe I will fall into the same trap.
Maybe I’ll become that single feather, drifting out of rhythm with my comrades, falling to the ground alone, just lying there… waiting for the wind or this society to force me to take a direction.
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Today's source for daily insights:
Optimal Outcomes
by Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler (Pages 133 to 145)
I am now so into this book, that its unreal.. It hooks me and is now forming a pattern breaking path that I can sure foresee in future to be useful in many of my conversations.
✍️Start With Yourself (The Inside Push)
The best way to free yourself is to begin by directing your attention within. Pause, breathe, and dream about your ideal future.
“No, I don’t want that to happen.” That was the first thought that flashed in my mind, sharp and defensive.
I felt a surge of anger when my family suggested I follow a tradition I have always resisted: bending down to touch the feet of a relative from my father’s side.
A man who never once supported us.
I wasn’t ready to let go of my belief that doing so would make me feel small, like I was surrendering something I had spent years building up inside. So I reacted.. arrogantly, even brutally, not just to the idea, but to them, my family.
Looking back, it wasn’t just about the act. It was about a deeper fear. And I hadn’t taken the time to pause and understand what was really going on inside me before lashing out.
🪞Reflection
Am I clear on what I want to change inside myself before trying to change others?
How can I pause more before reacting to break the automatic loop?
✅ Task
Practice a 3-minute pause today.
Visualize or journal your ideal future for that relationship or situation.
✍️Connect With One Trusted Person (The Outside Pull)
Sometimes the person you have conflict with is the very one you need to speak with… with curiosity, not confrontation.
With that same person, my mother and I ended up reaching out, inviting him to a family function at our home.
A gesture of inclusion.
Honestly, I still felt resistance. There was a quiet discontent inside me as we made the call. I didn’t want to pretend everything was okay. I wasn’t ready to fully welcome him into the circle again.
But I agreed anyway not because the change came from within, but because my mom and brother gently pulled me forward.
I let their momentum carry me, even if I wasn’t there yet.
I don’t know if I ever will be there.
But I showed up… at least a little.
🪞Reflection
Am I balancing my internal readiness (push) with their openness (pull)?
Could curiosity replace judgment in this connection?
✅ Task
Reach out with a simple question or invitation, without explaining everything upfront.
Observe their response without pressure.
✍️Keep It Simple and Reveal Little
Share just enough to invite curiosity. Avoid overwhelming or triggering resistance by revealing too many details too soon.
I’ve noticed I have a habit of revealing too much, too soon even to someone I have just met. It’s like I use full disclosure as a way to break the ice: diving into what’s good, what’s bad, and what’s neutral in my family without hesitation.
In the moment, I either trust that they won’t share it… or don’t even care if they do. But later, I wonder if I’ve given too much away.
Maybe I make it too easy for people to lock me into a narrative, one I never meant to give them all at once.
I’m starting to see the value in withholding a little.
Not out of fear, but out of respect for myself.
I don’t need to explain it all upfront.
🪞Reflection
Am I rushing to explain my whole perspective or pacing my sharing wisely?
What small, simple step can I take that won’t overwhelm?
✅ Task
Choose one small message or action to share this week.
Practice patience with how much you reveal and when.
✍️Do the Unusual Without Losing the Thread
One surprising gesture can shift the dynamic more than many words but each step should build on the last, not break the pattern randomly.
I have a tendency to throw my partner off when I suddenly change how I behave, especially around things she expected to go a certain way.
We’ve been in love for five years, and today marks exactly that. (It’s our anniversary)
Sometimes those surprises make her smile, even light her up.
But lately, I have started wondering if they also make her feel a bit unsteady like I am changing too fast or becoming someone she doesn’t fully recognize in the moment.
I don’t want to confuse spontaneity with randomness.
I want to stay connected to the path we’ve been walking and to shift things gently, step by step, building from where we already are, not leaping too far ahead.
🪞Reflection
Have I been breaking too many patterns at once, causing never thought out consequences?
How can my next step be linked naturally to what came before?
✅ Task
Plan a small, genuine act that’s different and logically follows your last step.
Avoid changes that cause backlash.
✍️Bring People Along: Lead Gently, Expect Less
Before big change, ask if others are okay with your path. Lead by communicating and keeping realistic expectations.
I involve my mother in nearly all of my financial decisions and it is not just out of habit.
She’s been an accountant her whole career, either directly or in a supporting role.
She has always had a sharp grasp of her finances, even if love and life didn’t always go the way she planned.
Including her in my financial thinking has helped me stay grounded.
Even when I slip into a controlling tone, which happens more often than I would like, she stays steady.
She listens, offers her perspective, and always closes with something that humbles me:
“It’s your money. You can do whatever you want. I am just telling you what I see.”
That’s how I want to lead too: not by demanding agreement, but by inviting people in and trusting they will meet me with honesty.
🪞 Reflection
Am I creating space for others to feel included, not just informed?
Can I let go of needing agreement and trust the strength of honest input?
✅ Task
Share your next decision or idea with someone who brings clarity, not just comfort.
Practice listening without reacting and just absorb what they see.
Buy me a coffee, if you liked what you read : coff.ee/howto9to5
wrapping up..
A Pattern Breaking Path isn’t about one that is like a single blow and the rock shatters to pieces ideology, no, not at all.
It is about some intentional, simple steps at a time, balancing what is inside and what is around you.
Revealing little about you but meaningfully and inviting others along for the journey.
Signing off,
Ajayan N,
Fighting with the worst bully, life
“I’m starting to see the value in withholding a little.
Not out of fear, but out of respect for myself”
Yes that is wise. Even some things I cherish I keep to myself or only share with a few
So much wisdom here! I love it! 😍