The Four Hidden Fears Blocking Your Next Move

Jun 26, 2025

I used to tell myself I was planning or crafting my ideal life in notebooks, mapping future scenarios in endless detail. But if I am honest, I wasn’t planning. I was hesitating.

There was always a reason why this wasn’t the month, that wasn’t the project, those weren’t the right conditions. The truth is, I was afraid of the change, of the unknown, of what would happen if I tried and it didn’t work out.

Eventually, I learned there were patterns to this fear. Four of them, in fact and they tend to show up disguised as logic or strategy. But once you see them, you can name them. And once you name them, you can move through them.

What we’re talking about today:

Why your ideal future might be secretly keeping you stuck
What a “walk-away alternative” is, and why it matters
The trap of preferring fantasy over feasibility
How fear of change gets mistaken for comfort

Optimal Outcomes

by Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler (Pages 167 to 174)

This insight comes from a book that doesn’t just tell you to “be brave” or “follow your dreams”, it shows you why that feels hard, where the resistance comes from, and how to work with it gently and honestly.

Your ideal future is not visible, but you fantasize about it anyway.

Imagining an ideal future you know won't happen lets you feel productive, while avoiding real change.

Took a sick day on Wednesday. Stomach ache.

I’d been trying so hard lately, getting back on my feet, eating better, staying tuned in to how my body’s doing. But turns out, my body didn’t care. It just flared up anyway. Like my fiancée, honestly. (Kidding. If she sees this, I might not make it to the next post.)

But seriously, the whole thing wore me down both physically and mentally.
I kept spiraling into that mindset: "Why now? I’ve been doing everything right."
And somewhere during the day, between naps and youtube videos, I realized… maybe I didn’t have to give in so easily.

Maybe I could have gotten up, drank some water, straightened up a bit, even logged in and said hi to folks at work.

One step forward.
That’s all it would've taken to shift the whole day.

💭 Reflection:

Is your ideal future specific and realistic, or vague and comforting?
Are you using the fantasy as a shield from disappointment?

✅ Task:

Define your next week instead of your next decade.
List one action that proves you’re “working on things” — in real life, not just in your mind.

Your walk-away alternative is unfeasible, but you fantasize about it.

A walk-away alternative offers freedom from conflict but the costs often make it feel impossible.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my stomach lately.
Always wanted to cut down on non-veg, but cravings? They don’t care about intentions.
I keep telling myself I’ll eat less, but the truth is, I’m a salaried adult with the freedom to eat whatever I want, whenever I want. So I do.

“Why bother stressing about your stomach, right?”

Well… now that it’s flaring up more often, I’m starting to rethink that logic.

So I’ve started a new routine, 2 days non-veg, 3 days veg.
It’s not perfect, but it’s something. It calms me down a bit.
I’m also considering trying alternate non-veg options, but that might not go down well with the friend I eat with every Saturday and Sunday.

Still, I guess it’s better to plan ahead than to keep falling back into the same loop.
One meal at a time.

💭 Reflection:

What emotional relief are you getting from imagining walking away?
Are you postponing a difficult conversation in favor of a daydream?

✅ Task:

Sketch out the “costs” of walking away honestly (time, money, emotions).
Name one realistic step that creates breathing room without full escape.

Your walk-away alternative seems unfeasible, but it's better than your ideal future.

Walking away tends to have so many costs associated with it that our choices seem constrained

I picked up a fiction book recently, Klone and I by Danielle Steel and honestly, I got hooked.
There’s something about getting pulled into a made-up world that feels more real to me than most things.

I think I love books… really love them, more than anything else.
And someday, I’d love to be an author. Fiction, non-fiction, whatever lets me tell stories that matter.

But here’s what I’ve been wondering:
Why does fiction bring me more joy than anything else?
Why does reading about someone else’s imaginary world feel more fulfilling than chasing my own “ideal” future?

Maybe my future self isn’t someone I crave becoming or maybe it’s just someone I think I should be.
But reading? Writing? Sharing ideas from books with the world?
It does feels right.

💭 Reflection:

What does it say if escape feels more honest than success?
Is your “ideal” still aligned with your values, or just your history?

✅ Task:

Write down what your “walk-away” life might look like and ask, why does that feel more alive than what I’m aiming for now?
Consider if you need a new vision, not just a new tactic.

Fear of change and comfort in conflict.

When conflict lingers too long, its discomfort can start to feel like home, familiar, but far from safe.

One thing I’ve been struggling with lately is the tension between craving entertainment and wanting to build something meaningful.

I enjoy watching movies, going on trips, taking time off... partly to nurture friendships, partly because I don’t want people to think I’m someone who doesn’t know how to have fun.
And truth is, I do enjoy those moments. They calm me down.

But every single time, a question creeps in:
Am I wasting time?
Could I be using these hours, this energy, to build something for my future instead of just… consuming?

Am I letting life pass me by, one comfortable distraction at a time?
Or is this how I have to be in reality?

It’s a tough balance, to live and to build.
Still figuring it out.

💭 Reflection:

Is this situation actually tolerable or just familiar?
Have you normalized a level of stress or sadness that would’ve shocked the old you?

✅ Task:

Do a “discomfort audit”… list where you’ve mistaken pain for routine.
Change one habitual response… say less, pause longer, react differently.

wrapping up…

Change is scary not because we are weak but because we are wired to survive, not to transform.

Hesitation isn’t failure, it’s a signal.

“The work” to be put in, isn’t to silence change, but to get curious about what it’s protecting. Once you do that, the path forward becomes just a little more real.

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And really, I love to hear from you. You mean so much to me 🥰😇

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